LILITH’S HAREM OF NIGHTMARE SHADOW TERRORS
The experience, which assailed me the most when as a child was what is commonly known as the Old Hag Syndrome or otherwise called the Bedroom Invader Experience, or Night Terror. It was akin to what the author H.P Lovecraft wrote about when describing his Nightgaunts, which abducted his conscious awareness into the realm of Nightmare. Although, I otherwise learnt to ride the Nightgaunt Nightmares as my salacious Night-Mare Witches.
I began to become aware that the Nightgaunt visitations was an initial phase of internal ingress into conscious dreaming. I found out much later that it was technically termed as lucid dreaming.
This experience was deepened much further due to, what can be considered as being my rather acute depressive tendencies. In other words, I did not externalise the condition, I instead internalised it to activate the Hellraiser puzzle box of the dream; whereupon I entered into a far deeper level of dreaming, where the term dream is no longer applicable.
The Nightgaunt visitations led to out of body experiences; however, the experience evolved further of a total shift into another reality.
This had occurred after I had a number extreme Old Hag visitations, where I felt as if I was being strangled by an invisible entity at the point of sleep.
It was at this juncture, prior to my early teens, I started to desperately research similarities of experience, which led me to the books of Colin Wilson, such as his tomes, Occult, Mysteries and Poltergeist, whose works pointed at a particular book by the psychologist and medium, Stan Gooch, who wrote about the Old Hag Syndrome, entitled: Creatures from Inner Space.
The research led me to using certain occult symbol systems for meditation purposes, as a means to overcome my total terror, when being strangled every night by some unknown shadow creature leaping out of the darkness.
Much of the material I had researched pointed to the queen of Succubae called, Lilith in one form or another, of a mythic description concerning the experience. However I had my own insight concerning the sensation of the reptilian-brainstem strangulation, which of an initiatory phase, required one to become as a trusting innocent, like that of a babe; for the fear increased the pressure upon ones body and throat area. But such information is communicated in highly coded in form, veiled behind layers of fear laden folklore, through which I saw the truth of it, because I was enduring its experience in actuality.
This insight was taken to another level because of a synchronistic gathering of material concerning the works of Carlos Castaneda in particular. Castaneda spoke of a feminine inorganic intelligence, he termed as the Allies, which are attracted to the four F’s (Flight, Fight, Food, Fuck) of an elemental emotional ‘charge’ of (Karmic dream) energy.
The charge of emotion determines their ‘spin,’ and in turn determining the manifestation of the Allies into particular visionary (Tulpa) forms within the dream. Once understood of a (Wisdom dream) fifth element ‘lucid’ emotion, this will then lead to the Ally carrying the ‘conscious awareness’ of a sorcerer to a dream locale, which corresponds with its assumed form.
I noted that my experience was like a key, which was unlocking veiled references in other works; although, such works did not mean that the authors themselves had the experience, who, being scholarly types were just copying numerous other previous scholars down through the dusty grimoire ages.
The external research balanced out what was going on internally, which I transformed into artworks at the time, as well as poetry; though brief of a creative period due to mundane pressures. However I ritualistically prepared myself, prior to the strangulation occurring again, which I came to understand was not physically happening as such, it was being caused by my (reptilian brainstem) fear response.
This eventually led to a transformation of the internal experience; it was no longer that of a monstrous entity strangling me, it was otherwise that of a woman, lovingly caressing my throat to the back of my head. I couldn’t see her, but I was aware she was there. The experience was highly erotic, which induced a shift of my consciousness towards the back of my head, where I became aware of a yawning abyss, into which I fell, falling, yet carried by the female presence.
As I fell into the blackness, the female presence indicated to me, not to be afraid; whereupon I called out her name as a mantra. I duly found myself falling into my bed, after the hypnagogic ingress through her (Vesica Pisces) vaginal void, via the Ida, Pingala pylons, black and white.
I awoke, feeling exhilarated that I had overcome my dire terror, which had transformed the experience into something quite other of the blissful erotic. But I felt disappointed that, there was nothing else to follow. I then got out of the bed, my room was illuminated by the glow of the Moon flooding through the window, over my Art table.
I decided to look out of the window; when I did so, I experienced utter total shock mixed with absolute awe. I did not see the usual urban jungle of a concrete sprawl outside; but instead I saw rolling hills, illuminated by the glow of the Moon, under a clear night sky filled with bright stars, and in the far distance there were cottages, out of whose chimneys blue plumes of smoke arced into the vault of the night.
I then looked around my room, noticing that my bedroom door had mysteriously opened. I did not feel I was in a dream. It was much more real, in fact, more real than real. What I often do, to test out if I am dreaming is that of leaping into the air, to test its physics, to find myself usually floating. Let’s just say, it didn’t work, it was real. As I was testing what I was experiencing I kept my eye on the open door, which became increasingly unnerving. I felt as if I was being watched by something, testing to see what I would do next.
I became aware of the possibility that I could have physically died, and somehow transited into another realm of existence. When I started to think upon this possibility, I became increasingly afraid. I then decided to lie upon my bed, to see if I could awaken back into the reality I had left behind. But no such luck. I just lay there on my bed, stuck somewhere totally other, which could’ve been in the distant past, or an alternate Earth, or both for all I knew.
I considered going out of the door, but I felt if I did so, I would never be able to leave. As I lay on my front, pondering how the hell I was going to return, as well keeping my growing terror at bay, a female presence entered my bedroom, whom then sat astraddle my back. She didn’t put her full weight upon me, But I did sense she was naked of a probable petite build. I couldn’t see her, since my face was buried in my pillow.
I then sensed the woman drawing intricate sigilic designs of an arcane nature upon my back down to my buttocks with what I sensed to be her finger tip, the sensation of which was highly erotic. As she drew two spiral designs on each of my buttocks, I suddenly awoke back into the reality I had left.
When I awoke I nearly fell out of my bed; I felt I had been in this other place for some hours. But in fact I had only been asleep for about half an hour or less. This particular experience was awesome in its magnitude for me as a youth. Further experiences followed of growing intensity and high strangeness, which later revealed that my childhood experiences and other situations in my life was a set-up, and that my internal experiences were a teaching method, in order to remind me of something, symbolised as the Ouroboros.
The visitation of the entities, absolutely terrified me as a child, whose initial forms looked like ancient misshapen dwarfs of rubbery cracked skins, dark brown to sheer black of colour, or creatures of similarity to the later termed Greys, along with others of equally terrifying humanoid forms, as well as other hybrid manifestations, and wild animals.
As a young child, I initially considered that I was being abducted by aliens, for a time; but this soon passed; although, I did experience observing associated UFO phenomena as well as some of the entities indicating that they were discarnate personalities. I later learnt that most of these creatures from inner space were being set back by my future self; somewhat akin to time travel, which was made possible by my future self attuning himself with another form of intelligence, being that of a symbiotic relationship.
This other intelligence is feminine of nature; it was assuming the differing forms in accordance with my emotional charge at varying stages of my life, which spun her and that of others similar, whom are aspects of her, one could otherwise term as her sisters. It was only when a sexual awakening kicked in, to thence be introverted into the dream, rather than that of the emotive charge of fear, that they were spun into an erotic ‘Anima’ manifestation of the divine feminine in all her myriad forms.
What I have written above, ‘is in general,’ only a very small part of what I have experienced down the years. I wrote this as an answer to those individuals who have queried what I have written about, and wrought of Art, whom question whether it is primarily based upon my own personal experiences, or just made up?
Much of my work is based upon personal experiences, and when to merge them of sorcery practice with what is considered to be imaginative two-dimensional explorations via (Mandala) Art in particular, and that of (Spell) writing, it is a furtherance of inducing interactive three-dimensional lucid dreams along with observing corresponding synchronistic occurrences and other associated phenomena, which can be construed as being paranormal. Dreams reflect back your emotively charged beliefs; change your beliefs of creative ‘artistry,’ you can then tune into a different dream. As I have mentioned elsewhere before, Art is Sorcery, Sorcery is Art, both are indivisible of practice, one and the same of an Ouroboros… Singularity.